Since a few weeks here at the Merdol, we get quite bored. We could not have a new interview with Mathieu Bastareaud, like the one of last March, which included shocking revelations and blasting declarations such as “Thierry Dusautoir is nice” or “I made my decision, I know where I want to play next season. But I will not say anything. ” Meanwhile, we have decided to focus on a very strange case… the prolonged absence of Byron Kelleher in the Toulouse team.

Since his announce that he’ll be leaving Toulouse for Bayonne and his involvement in a at least suspicious case of transfers and commissions, we do not hear anymore about Byron. Whether in the Toulouse entourage or in the press, it is the complete blackout for the former All Black. But what does it hide? The Merdol, inhabited by the 70s Washington Post Spirit of Investigation, decided to hold its inquiry…

Let’s recall the alleged nature of his injury. Here is an excerpt of the Dépêche (a south-west French newspaper) of March:

“The biggest concern of the staff in Toulouse at the moment is still for the flyhalf and scrumhalf positions. Mainly the Byron Kelleher case, that did not played now since December 10th in the European Cup in Glasgow. So three months’ absence! The New Zealander scrum-half suffers from repetitive strains. And his muscles are unfortunately a breeding ground for recidivism. In an attempt to end his injury, Byron Kelleher has just had a wisdom tooth extracted, which earned him a particularly impressive swollen cheek. “

We started by calling Guy Noves about this wisdom tooth story, that would cause muscle problems for Byron. Diplomatic injury? Here’s what he told us on the phone ….

“Listen, I can assure you that all this is true because I was there the day when all of this happened. One morning while I was preparing to leave for my usual little 78km jog with Vincent (Clerc), I saw Byron. It was under the window of my youngest daughter, a rose in his mouth, and he seemed in great pain since the screaming like the Tex Avery wolf.

I went down there to meet him and I asked him what his problem was. He remained speechless. This is when I realized there was a problem with his wisdom tooth because he could barely make himself understood. Given the urgency of the situation, I took care myself of putting his teeth back in place. I also noticed that his calf was suffering. So I tried then again to treat him with an old Chinese technique, by applying pressure on the painful area, and this for several minutes. From what I know, he is much better now. It will only take him 3 ot 4 months to heal. Alas, I’m not sure he will be able to return before the end of the season. “

Toulouse coach continued vigorously.

“I therefore deny all these rumors about the alleged poor relations between Byron and myself. He spent 3 wonderful seasons here and we will never forget. Never. Besides, if he comes back to play next season with Bayonne, he must know that we will welcome him as we should. I am sure that Census Johnstone, Yoann Maestri and Florian Fritz, among others, will know how to make him understand how much we miss him. “

Guy then finished on those poignant words:

“Finally, if you want my opinion, all this would not have happened if the French team and Toulouse never played on the same week-ends.”

Well now. Once again, the Merdol destroys rumors and pubs conversations. There is no Kelleher problem in Toulouse, it is obvious …

Your reporter,
Jacques Merdier

PS: Find the rest of our scoops on www.merdorama.fr (warning: the site is under construction, the webmaster is Fiji and he is still not back from vacation …)